this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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