i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
