lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
