Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
