Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
