Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
