Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
