His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
