If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
