Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
