When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
