i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize