careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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