Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
