we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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