It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
