you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
