It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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