I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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