So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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