it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
