and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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