I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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