just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
