I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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