too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
