whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
