So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
