I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
