Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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