I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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