and my herpes radar will keep us safe
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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