I only kidnapped one of them. chill
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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