take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
