just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize