Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
