Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
