I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
