My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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