Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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