Your mouth is God's brothel.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Im part way to drunk.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
