We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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