she was so not down for the gang bang
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
