My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
