I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Randomize
