My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize