sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
