my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He kissed a someone with a penis
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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