I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
