JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
