Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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