Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
