he shaved USA in his pubs
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
