one might say we're banned from that church
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
