He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
