i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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