What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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