..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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