I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
