my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
