I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize