my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
