i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
