the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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