first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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