it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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