First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
