i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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