Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
