we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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