before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
