Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
