she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
