Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
