you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
