well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
