im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Jerry, you need to find god
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize