i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
