bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
