my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
