The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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