I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
