I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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