party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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