Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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