I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
not ubering you a puppy
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
