it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
