Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
