Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
