So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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