I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
